The world understands Valentine’s Day as a day about “romance” and “love.” While that definition doesn’t specify heterosexuality, the holiday itself focuses almost exclusively on heterosexual relationships. The commercial emphasis on this kind of relationship can enforce an uncomfortable extent for LGBTQIA2s+ individuals. The LGBTQIA2s+ community (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer/Questioning, Asexual, Asexual/Agender, Two-Spirit, other identities) is one often left in quiet the akward and uncomfortable situations when Valentine’s Day comes around.
For some in the community, the holiday acts as a time of isolation. The rest of the world gets to experience the romantic freedoms that they are constantly denied. This can lead many members of the community to outright avoid the holiday altogether. On the other hand, certain members of the community have taken alternative approaches to celebrating love on February 14th.
*This article is not a complete collection of every way members may celebrate. But it acts as a great conversation starter for a wider discussion on the inclusive potential of the holiday.*
A LGBTQIA2s+ Valentine’s Day
The most straightforward answer is to just celebrate the holiday in a way your LGBTQIA2s+ partner appreciates. How does one actually do that? One option is to find a community event focused on LGBTQIA2s+ couples. The events and activities present could combat the sense of isolation many feel that the holiday brings. The more people that go to these events, the more they grow in popularity which could potentially inspires more events to pop up. This helps spread awareness of non-heteronormative celebrations within society’s collective knowledge. This could also embolden a wider sense of comfort and security for LGBTQIA2s+ individuals in public celebrations of their love.
Another common practice is to put more focus on supporting LGBTQIA2s+ businesses over traditional, larger companies. This helps to embolden the community against these larger corporations’ economic bullying via monopoly.
One criticism that Valentine’s Day faces is a focus on grand gestures of love. This can leave those in the community who fear public attack feeling that their love won’t be considered “legitimate” to the world around them. A larger focus on smaller, more meaningful activities of love could help shift the narrative. A private event with an LGBTQIA2s+ group of friends or partners can also help achieve a sense of romance without the anxious space of the public world. It could help diminish the societal sense of obligation around these grand gestures. People would no longer see them as a requirement for love.
Palentine’s Day and Galentine’s Day
One way members of the community have attempted to solve the awkward feelings Valentine’s Day leaves them is to create alternate celebrations or holidays. These alternate celebrations may focus on both romantic and/or non-romantic forms of love.
Palentine’s Day focuses on celebrating non-romantic forms of love and friendship. People usually cite it as being celebrated on February 13th, but they often encourage celebrating on whatever day feels right. How to celebrate is left up to the participant’s imagination. Some ideas include custom Palentine’s Day cards, a list of things you like about the other person, a movie marathon, a game night, and anything else that helps you bond.
Galentine’s Day, also celebrated on February 13th, is a variation of this idea that focuses mostly on friendships between women. The concept actually originates from the popular sitcom Parks and Recreation. Despite this, the holiday has become an increasingly popular choice among female friend groups. Brunch and spa days are what’s typically seen on the social side. Things like hiking and long walks are also popular physical activities for the holiday. Like with Palentine’s Day, the focus is on activities the friend group likes to do. Thus, the group can also engage in the same celebration ideas from Palentine’s Day or do whatever alternative outings that help them bond as friends.
Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week
Do not confuse Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week with Ace Week (formerly Asexual Awareness Week). People celebrate Ace week in the last full week of October, starting on a Sunday and ending on a Saturday. Those engaging in Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week do so from February 15th to February 21st. It’s purpose is to spread awareness and acceptance of individuals on the aromantic spectrum, and the everyday difficulties they face. It’s less of a celebratory holiday and more of a yearly educational effort.
Many Aromantics tend to share their stories and encourage those who suspect to take an aromanticism test. Aromantics and their non-Aromantic friends can also spread awareness online and host events in person. Organizations like Aromantic-Official and AUREA also host many official events.
Chosen Family Day
One perspective left unaccounted for yet is the celebration of love that is not romantically or philiacly (friendship-wise) motivated. Chosen Family Day focuses on groups of biologically unrelated individuals that a LGBTQIA2s+ person feels a strong, family-like connection to. It originally comes from Ontario, where people celebrate it on February 22nd. The government also recognizes it as an official holiday. The status given to it as an official holiday in Ontario speaks to an exciting development. This shows how seriously the governments and their people worldwide are starting to take the LGBTQIA2s+ community’s experiences.
People often celebrate the holiday by spending time being close to their chosen family members. They express their deep sense of appreciation and love for them. People also use the holiday as a day of awareness of the issues that create the need for chosen families. They also bring awareness to resources that help people in need. These resources show how and where to find chosen families for themselves.
Celebrating Yourself
One type of love that is important when exploring any of the other types is self-love. A person can’t have a truly healthy relationship with others if they don’t take proper time to care for themselves first. People must prioritize their own mental and physical health before they can properly care for others. Self-care encompasses more than just hygiene (although hygiene remains important, as it links to mental wellness). It also focuses on keeping your emotional and mental health in check.
Maintinging consistant self care helps your mind to better understand how to maintain relationships. It will also help you be in a more confident and all-around better mood. This combination will help you appear more approachable and reliable to the people you care about in your life. They care about your well-being as much as you care about theirs. Caring for yourself more often will also help you to improve your own self-esteem. The more genuine effort you put into taking care of yourself, the more valuable and likable you become to yourself.
Further Help
Outside of what’s mentioned here, many resources can help anyone in need of community-minded Valentine’s Day ideas. There are also great places for specific community groups, like lesbian couples and those who are polyamorous.
For those wondering about other important holidays or significant days in general for the LGBTQIA2s+ community, many online calendars exist. These calendars are regularly updated and cover a vast number of dates too numerous to completely catalogue here.
Awareness of other people’s romantic lifestyles and struggles, especially during a time of year focused so heavily on heterosexual romance, is a responsibility we must all take. This creates a society less dependent on peer pressure and societal expectations, and more accommodating of all its people’s needs. People of the LGBTQIA2s+ community deserve both the allowance and a proper opportunity to express their understandings of “love”. Limiting these things would only bring further opportunities for restrictions on our most sincere desires for how to live our lives, even for those outside of the LGBTQIA2s+ community.
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